For wherever your treasure is there will also be the desire or your heart !
Remembering back when I was a little girl, my parents would always take us to a pizza parlor in Chicago . We enjoyed a meal and when it was time to go they had a toy treasure chest, I was always so excited to reach in and pull out my treasure. I would play with the toys for a day or two and then they would break.
I loved playing with all my toys and having a good time with friends, we played and we played hard ! We had clubs and dress up days, backward sock days and sports were a must, softball, swimming you name it, Kick the can, tents made out of blankets hung over a clothes line. We all had things we treasured to do and loved doing.
Growing up and turning into an adult, I learned that things outside of myself would make me feel good and that I would not have to deal with emotions and feelings, I could hide behind things, behind sports, behind music, behind friendships that did not require honesty or integrity, almost like being a feather in the wind, blowing with the winds of change and never thinking to much about the consequences. Playing and being busy even as a child allowed me to hide from the great dysfunction that was surrounded in my home. The fighting and arguing that went on was horrible.
I remember seeing and hearing things that a little girl never should have experienced. I was constantly reaching for things in the world to take away the pain and the hurt from the things going on in our family life , I loved roller skating and every Friday night you could find me at Fireside roller rink, skating till I could not skate any longer. I always wanted to be a part of a team a yearning for stability and organization in the life of a young girl that had none.
In school my academics were average until I reached high school and my parents divorced .
Once again another part of my life fell apart, even though the relationship they had was destructive and hateful , it was better to be in a broken home than to be in a split home. I ended up being a pawn between my parents.
Many things happened between the age of 13 and 21 before I had my first and only born child. A child that would end up going through his own difficulties because of choices made by a family he was born into.
I am wondering all this time who " Treasures " me ! Well My Daddy did, and he was the best man I ever knew in my life , yet at the early age of 21 Daddy died from a heart attack very quickly and I know longer had my protector my hero, my treasure, I was lost alone and scared, and now I had a 10month old baby as well , that I treasured.
Things got worse before they got better, I ended allowing my Mother and Step Father care for my son as I became lost in the world, lost in a distorted view of life and what life was about. Again I sought my hearts desires, and treasures in things and in man. Ending up experiencing things that a Young women had NO business experiencing , doing, or being involved in. I searched for everything to find love, to find someone or something that would treasure me. A safe place . I never found one, not for to long anyway, everything always ended in hurt, pain and negative consequences, the road traveled was long and painful.
Now all this time I had a concept of a God, however he was a God of Circumstance not a God of omnipotent power, but I rescue God, one that would save me from trouble and give me another chance, during those times of seeking Him He would do for me, just about what I was willing to do for my self, Yet I know he kept me safe through the days of my insanity and he protected me in the trenches of my pain.
The journey was long and a hard won process, over and over again, I would start to re-build my life and re-commit - THIS TIME I got this, I will conform and change. NEVER happened for very long on my own power, I would rebuild and the flow of emotions would kick in, and life would become difficult and feelings would overwhelm me and low and behold , I was back , in the old ways of my human nature.
Years and years this pattern went on, till one day I woke up and I was 41 years old, tired, alone , spiritual broken. I learned how to pray years ago, and I believed years ago that something was watching over me and had me covered, I decided to start the Journey for the rest of my life, again, it did not just come because I made that decision, there was work to do and lots of it, restructuring of my heart, mind, body and soul. EVERYTHING HAD TO CHANGE.
I made a move 1000 miles away to change, well, when I got there, guess who was there? Yep that is right ME- looking at me, now what ? Well , I moved to the bible belt of south Carolina, and met many people that, as a weekly part of life attended Church, and although I been in church on and off again, my whole life, it was different, I saw something they had that I wanted. I kept coming back. I started reading, the bible, I started praying, and although I continued in my ways for awhile longer. Finally one day in May of 2012 all my life experience's caught up with each other and I was standing on a road, called McRae St, In Camden South Carolina, completely Broken , the walking dead. I could not face another breath, I could not take another step, the only way out was down, down on both knees , crying out to this power above, take me, show me, I need you, I cant do it know more. I had to let go every treasure here on earth that I ever counted on, that allowed me to not feel the pain of life, I was running and I ran hard for over 40 years. Nothing ever work, until that day that I fell to the ground, It was a feeling of opening a Treasure Chest and inside was all good things, things that would love me, have faith in me, hold me, comfort me, I found Jesus that day, when I opened up that chest. Really what I did was release all the garbage I been caring for years, thinking in my own strength I could live a life and be happy, Not true with finding him , I would never be where I am at today.
Today I have a treasure chest of hope, love, patience, kindness, tolerance, peace, faith, endurance, integrity, I have found a Treasure that you can not reach out and physically touch, yet through nature and other people and the depths of the ocean, the blowing of the leaves, the running of the animals, you can see He is real and a living treasure, A God , who was , who is and who always will be.
I have written this today, because when I woke up, I was convinced that someone needs to know that know matter what you have done, know matter where you have been, that there is a Treasure box available at your feet, a spiritual tool kit, filled with lovely and pure things for YOU. It is all YOURS. It is not free, you have paid your dues, to Open this box, A treasure chest of hope and light is waiting for you. Build with it, from what you find inside when you open it. YOU ARE THE TREASURE, release the locks and bondage that hold you down, A loyal and faithful Loving GOD awaits you. He will wash your sins away and cleanse you white as snow.
Nothing you can do or say will chase Him away, He has always been in your life, He is the Head of your life and if you let him in, He will guide you and deliver you !
Come to the well and drink from His living water and you will never thirst again.
If you have read this and you do not know Jesus.
Pray with me this simple prayer of salvation
Dear Lord
I know I am a sinner and have strayed from the calling you had for me, lord forgive me and please I open my heart to you today, I know now Lord that you sent your son Jesus for me, so that I may live, I believe that He died and rose again, so that I may be forgiven, I want to serve you and my fellow man, I want to walk in the light of your love, I want to treasure you Lord as you have always treasured me your child. Thank you Lord for doing for me , what I never could do for myself, I am your child and you are my Father. Thank you.
Congratulations you are NEW. The old you has just died. CELEBRATE your life will never be the same, Find a Church , Get a friend to talk to and open up, get rid of the weight and garbage that has filled your spirit and held you down, YOUR BONDAGE free, what you do from this moment on will never be the same, the spirit has come and will teach you. Allow this to happen, You will find your treasures in heaven and not in this world.
Thank you for reading .
Be blessed.
Welcome home to the family of believers , who believe in you.
May God restore you and show you mad love, We can love because he first loved us.
Now Go and be blessed , walk in faith and live in courage, a strength and treasure never found in things and people, he is your Friend.
Written by Pamela Joy Benigno
10/18/2013
Live and let live !
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